EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL???

Random question time...

Which is worse? Your partner cheating on you emotionally? Or just physically?

Maybe a no-brainer for everyone. I'm sure most will just dive in and answer "Of course Physically not Emotionally coz it's barely visible"
Think about it. Personally i think that it would just hurt more if your partner cheats on you emotionally. Physical attraction is normally temporary and l doesn't last too long. But emotional attraction usually is permanent and leaves a deep scar that can't be healed. Why? Because it's not visible.

LOVE begins from the heart. When you're in love, it triggers all the weird hormones and emotions and affecting your physical being. It's the main reason why you're with your partner in the first place. Sex is random. You can live with or without it. That's why God created hands. When a person starts to develop devotion towards another, it affects their thinking and creates an obsession of longing for something they can't have. And this makes you the enemy. The only thing that is stopping them from pursuing the person they fell for. They began to despise you. Feelings are not a switch you can turn off and on anytime you want, and the more it is held back, the more it developes.

Until one day it bursts. Once your partner falls for another, they stop loving you. They would have this craving to engage in a physical event with the other and affect your whole relationship. It is OVER. Once he/she starts to fall for another person, consider your relationship over. Let's compare with physical adultry. It's almost the same thing. A crave for something different. A need for some variety in life. This is less harmful as it sounds, unforgivable, but trust me it ends. When your partner strays, there will be a point in this event where it will stop and he will come back to you feeling so guilty and disgusted with him/herself that he will do anything he can to fix the relationship.

So yeah, I truly believe that cheating emotionally is by far more harmful than physical. What hurts the body dont really hurt the heart. But what hurts the heart, is a life-long pain that can't be healed no matter how hard you try.

DON'T CHEAT! xD

A Letter for The Heart...

Heart, I know I’ve been hard on you, I’m sorry for the things I’ve put you through...
Before you start to break on me or ask for sympathy, I need to make you see

Heart, I’m not sure it’s been long enough, To say that what I feel is really love
There’s just one way to learn, sometimes we’ll get hurt and right now it’s our turn

Give it time, help me through... Heart, we can do this together, you’re my strength, you’re my soul, I need you now more than ever

Heart, all the hurt will soon be gone, If you’ll just keep on being strong
You will always be my friend, so keep on hangin there... And we’ll find love again

Heart, I know I’ve been hard on you, I’m sorry for the things I put you through
Please don’t you break on me, I need to make you see
It wasn’t meant to be

‘Cause you will always be my friend, so keep on hangin' in
And we’ll find love again...

Salute to Malaysian Truck Drivers!~

Yes obviously I am writing this in rage. So be warned this post may not turn out PG13.

Have you ever had that one moment near death where every bit of your past just come flashing into your mind like a crazy slideshow? When suddenly in that one second you think about your family, friends, and loved ones and regret that you havent told them you love them that day? And in that moment everything else just stood still and you wish for a tiny chance in life just to become a better person?

SCREW THAT.

Today I almost lost my chance to see tomorrow's sunrise. Why? Because a drunk truck driver almost took my life away. And all i could think of as I almost surrendered my life to an upcoming MPV was that I WILL FKING HAUNT THE RETARDED TRUCK DRIVER TILL HE PISS BLOOD IN HIS PANTS!

What happened?

As I was singing to Nightwish's Ever Dream while driving, i came up to a line of cars that could barely be called cars. (more like moving zombie engine with wheels They were driving like 20km/h annoying my guts out. So when I had the chance I overtook em speeding up to 120km/h on a typical Malaysian rural road. As i was going to return to the lane, suddenly a truck from the roadside probably just finished ma********ng entered the main road causing me to get stuck on the opposite lane with my crazy speed. There was zero chance of getting back into lane and an MPV was coming into my direction.

There goes 9999 Decibel of pure Honking as I tried to drive back into lane to save my life and the truck just ignored it (he was probably deaf) leaving me the choice of having to swerve to the opposite road side. Took me 30 secs to get my heartbeat at normal rate before i yelled a loud ass "F**K" and continued driving to work. Swearing if had died I wont ever STOP haunting him to death!

But...

Maybe it was a chance for me to reincarnate into someone better having seen a glimpse of death in a milisecond... Whatever the reason is for the experience, I still thank God I'm alive.

On death...

My tired soul, my restless eyes... will never see another sunrise... A love for a life, one that i've taken away... Will God forgive me for what i've done today?

As I lay and put my body to rest, will i ever see another day? If this is God's final test... Will they remember me, or will I fade away...

My body weakens from the blood that sheds... A life I lived with too many regrets... I take one last deep breath of earth's air... And say my goodbye to this murderous despair...

As I lay and put my mind to rest, will I ever live another day? If this is God's hardest test... Will they think of me, because I can't stay...

So now I close my once brown eyes... I will never see tomorrow's sunrise... A love that took my life away... Will God forgive me for dying today?

Love,
Anne (28 July 2010)

I Remember...

I am writing this blog in a very sweaty and smelly condition as i have just finished jumping around to Lady Gaga tunes and was suddenly inspired!~ A question was asked that moved my wirter's block to the side.

"Anne, Do girls forget about the happiest moments of a relationship?"

All of a sudden ALL the memories from my childhood boyfriends to the most recent relationship came flooding in my head like those lame 1kb spam e-mails you get non-stop. All the laughs... the jokes.. even the words in those cute love-letters came back to my cerebrum in a milisecond. Yes, I do remember them. In fact, there they are playing in my head so vividly like distant memories that were waiting to be downloaded again after all these years of being left dormant.

I dont know about other girls but yes, I do remember the happiest moment of every single relationship I had. Even the ones that turned to be disaster. I remember being happy and so complete when my very first boyfriend squeezed me out of breath after a crazy rollercoaster ride (boy i was so worried it was captured on camera!) And one dear lover of mine drove his motorbike to my house in the middle of the night, sneaking past my sleeping parents just to gaze on the stars and discuss our plans to be astronauts so we can go star-pickig someday. I remember one morning i went to school and found a bunch of brown orchids on my desk sent in by a secret admirer along with a love letter saying what a beautiful person I am and he loves me from a far, and so i went around the whole town on foot to look for a house with brown orchids. (i never found out who he was, sadly...) And one day a musical box was sent to me on my birthday with the song "where do i begin" signed by an anonymous admirer. I was 15 when I was at the peak of my love life. Everything was so fresh and full of hopes. And heartbreaks were easy to mend...

I even remember having a deadly crush on someone wishing so bad I was the girl he always walked home with, crying into my pillow everyday hoping someday he'll notice me. Then one day I went to school for a study group session and there he was, sitting on a small bridge of a pond and he actually looked my way. Wow how my heart was beating like a train when his pefect lips shaped into a smile. I never really got to tell him i loved him but that smile, that one moment where he noticed me has never left my mind...

Even though none of the relationships lasted, I never could forget how the tiniest details has made me happy. How can I, when it was those memories that has made me become the person I am. Yes, it's sad when heart is broken and the memories become nothing but reminders of how painful the experience was. But without em, how do tell the story of your life to your children?

As painful as it is now, i can never forget the excitement of waiting anxiously at the airport gates, the drastic heartbeat and bloodrush of meeting him for the very first time. Of how everything felt so complete when his eyes were looking directly into mine instead of through webcams. No, noone forgets that memory, the heart doesnt let me. Even though remembering it causes my heart to shatter, it is and will always be there...

Each and everyone that has made my life worth living even for one second, I would and could never forget. The broken pieces of my heart collected by a certain stranger, struggling to fix them, showering my days with hopes and love only to left his own heart broken. I could never forget. Every tiny piece of memory fits into my life like a jigsaw puzzle and without a single one, it wont be complete.

So to the guy who asked me the question,

Yes. We do remember every happy moments in a relationship. They are what made us. They are what completes us. And they are what makes us smile when nothing else can...

Thanks Tariq Suliman for this blog inspiration!

Jokes... oh sex jokes...

Okay almost a month since i started workin as a lame ass engineer in a lame ass country and my social life raised from 1 to 9. At work 90% of the people I deal with are married men. And Goodness Gracious the jokes they all talk about at work... My mind became the gutter in an instant as they discuss about sexual activities and making jokes about it...

Well I am an open-minded person i dont really mind laughing along at these jokes. In fact I admit I sometimes add in some spice for the giggles to break into thunderous laughter but one thought came up to my mind. Is it really appropriate for 30+ married men to crack jokes about sex to single girls at the age between 20-26? I don't know maybe i'm thinking too much about this, but yeah... The jokes can get a little bit too much to the point where I'm sometimes lost for responses. (and sometimes, too embarassed to respond) And at these points, I began to wonder if these things should even be brought up into the office scenario.

Honestly without these joke cracking session, work will not be as fun as it obviously isn't. But what exactly do men have in mind when they mention these things? Yeah, they say it's harmful. They say it's just words, nothing personal or physical. But I know these are the same people who committed adultry (sp?), and some were even cheating on their wives with girls who work in the office. So they might say the jokes are "innocent" but it still has the probability of turning into something serious and heavy.

I guess sometimes they have to know when to stop. When the jokes start to get a little bit off limits like going way into details and i feel uncomfortable sucking on a lolipop with eyes staring and mouth drooling, someone has to step on the brakes. Yeah, I agree we all need a few breaks now and then. I'm just saying there should be a certain range of sexual jokes and gestures that are allowed to be spoken off. The rest, they should just keep between them and their spouses.

THINK POSITIVE!~

Working in a lame ass company with bitches and assholes (*ahem... excuse my french) ready to pound on you at your first mistake just really drains out your energy and wear you out and injures your brains. So, the one thing to do to survive and stay alive (and stay sane) is to THINK POSITIVE. I found these tips on how to stay positive on some anonymous website and yeh so far it's been a BIG HELP for me :)

1. Admit that there are problems
I found out being ignorant sometimes doesnt help at all. Admitting there are problems around let's you adjust your well-being to the environment.

2. Make Goals
My goal is to get my monthly income. So love me hate me.

3. Avoid negative influences
Yeh you dont need more uneccessary stress in life

4. Find an optimistic quote
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." I dont care if people hate me for cracking jokes at the wrong place or time. There is NEVER a wrong moment to share some tiny chuckles. (or in my case, usually HUGE)

5. Focus your imagination and efforts on becoming that new positive person
Why not? being negative obviously wont take you anywhere. When i was super-sensitive i almost got myself lost. Now im all positive and couldnt care less to all the negative aura in the world :P

6. Create your live from within
We are what our hearts intend us to be. Clean the heart. Clean the mind. And paint it with all the colours you want.

7. Love your life
God gave us only ONE life. Live it. Cherish it :)

8. Smile at Strangers
What's so hard to move some muscles and just smile at people? it doesnt hurt and it certainly make yourself prettier :)

9. Listen to positive music
Hmm... GET NAKED by Britney helps me a lot. If you feel down and no one is around... GET NAKED and work it...I'm Crazy as a motherfker bet that on your man!~

10. Volunteer or help others
In this case, I chose to adopt and take care of cats :)

11. USE THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
When you LOOK GOOD you FEEL GOOD. Dress to kill. Dress to inspire. Dress to RULE!~

Good luck!~

p/s works for broken hearts too... Remember that there's always more fish in the sea. And hell yeh a thousand billions of species of em!!!