The Battleship of Dreams...

They say it's the game of life played by your sub-conscious mind. Some "experts" say dreams occur depending on your thoughts or experiences during the day. But did you notice that sometimes there are dreams that has nothing to do with the going-ons in your real life. And at certain times the dreams are predictions on what will happen, thus you call it "deja vu". I am no expert in what your mind does to your thoughts, nor am i a seer that can make a theory that dreams are clues to the future. But lately, weirdly I keep having dreams of the same people over and over again. And though people establish dreams being the indicator of a good sleep, my dreams are tiring. They drain out my energy and the thought of how they affect my rate of heartbeat just drives me crazy.

Once I closed my eyes and saw a glimpse of my hand decorated in red henna, and a golden ring wrapped around my ring finger. It was so intense i could actually feel the gloominess of that (supposed to be happy) day. I was tied to someone I didn't love and i felt the need to escape. The same day I found out the man i did love was married to someone else. I went on a cruise to run away from the ceremony. Having escaped from that sad destiny i suddenly found out I was on a battleship and I was ready for   a war. I knew I was going to die that day. But it was something I had to do, and I didn't care being alive or dead. Heavy heart I fought the battle, ready to sleep my final sleep.

Epic, no? In a scene where I was left ignored by my friends, broken hearted watching my best friend with him, I walked in a mall, the one I always had the same dream about even in my childhood days. I met an old Indian man, his name was Mr Rayhan or something. He said I was never to worry walking alone and getting lost, it's life. He gave me his number, said it's always good to know company if i ever needed one. . I realized i had switched off my phone, sulked by what I had seen. And when I turned it on, expected a few missed calls, my friends didn't call to ask me where I was. I just kept walking around, behind ancient buildings and locked gates. Lost. Confused. A complete blur, I woke up actually feeling the pain of a broken heart. I was angry for a moment. Until I realize having my eyes opened, it ended the confusing adventure.

It's not a thing you can control. Some just make you wake up with a smile, sowing hopes and planting possibilities. Some just make you realize some painful facts of life giving you hints of what to expect in reality.

There are dreams I can't even remember, but life experiences showers me with feelings of "oh this happened before". I'm sure it happens to everyone once in a while. And here we are still confused of what dreams actually are. A hint of reality? or just a game your mind plays with your heart?

Can You Believe it's 2012???

Believe it. 2012 is here. According to the Mayans, this is the final year. Of earth.

Sometimes I wish Nostradamus is still alive to actually explain what they meant by "the end".

I suck. As a blogger. and everything else. My resolution was supposedly to "blog" more. Well we live only once and this is one way of staying alive forever. I even have a diary that was last updated in September last year.

January has been evil. I had the worst cramps, toothache, backache and knee-ache. I feel my body is decomposing and nothing I can do about it. I drank so much milk that it has actually started to taste like paper. That's just physical pain. Mentally I was pressured by too many friends' engagements and weddings that it actually reminded myself that I AM FRICKEN 28 next WEEK AND WHY THE HELL AM I STILL SINGLE???

I am not one to pathetically shower myself with self defeating questions such as "am i too ugly? am i too loud? am i not pretty enough? am i not good enough? am i too dark? too fat? too moody???" or to grow a tree of ego and bitterness with "oh i'm too picky... he's not good enough for me... he's too short, too poor, too gay... it's not that noone wants me, it's just I'm too good for anyone..." I am just really tired of the same pressure each and every year and this year I decided to not frickin care. My time will come and even if it doesn't, who cares? i got my dream job. move on.

Anyway, besides looking forward to be a 28 yr old single woman, life has been pretty awesome. I live like 50000 miles away from my family. I'm not complaining coz I stick to the fact that after 18, you're better off apart unless fighting with your mom over the TV remote turns you on. But do I miss them? of course I do. But this is the moment to find myself, live independently and give myself the chance to be a housemaker. Which i think I'm failling coz I SUCK AT COOKING! (but think positive, I clean the house like a pro :)

Friends have been awesome so far. Honestly, this is the longest I have been friends to the same people. Looking at my past life, most friends would be biting my head off and stabbing my back by now. But I have awesome people I hang around with. Love could be somewhere among them but shoved to the side due to my inferiority complex. Silent heartbreaks, loud laughter... Ahh... so much to live for.

Lyra is still a long way to go. And for how things are I guess it's still a long way to go times 4. She'll arrive on angels' wings in due time. I just wish the due time will be sooner. It breaks my heart to fall in love with other peoples' babies. But I'm not ready to settle down with anyone. I just want to be with he who I have heart for...

So yeah, 2012 has been a crazy journey of patience and bitter experience. I just hope February would be less of a heartache :)

And holy crap this is supposed to be a blog not a diary!!! Eeeek...! Excuse my drama I'll be back for normal stuff next entree. BRB.

The story so far...

I was reading my "new resolutions" post and how ironic! I barely made any of them come true...! So these are the updates on the resolutions i had made earlier this year...

1. Focus On My Career

Well this one didn't didn't go off so bad. I'm still loving my job. All is well. I'm improving and being a lecturer is nothing but awesome. Cool friends, cool guys to stare at. And good opportunity to buy cute dresses and make up xD

2. Drop the Emoness

I actually laughed A LOT this year. I'm happy :)

3. Be Faithful to the boyfriend

Lol. What boyfriend?

4. Learn to cook

Erm.. I will actually learn to cook when I'm engaged to someone. I have no reason to cook now.

5. LOSE WEIGHT and live it healthy

Still fat.

6. Be nice to parents

I am... I think...

7. Be a WWF Volunteer.

Hey I'm donating like RM50 a month for WWF. That's a start, right?

8. QUIT online Games :- TOP!~

I DID! I freakingly DID and I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF for this!!!

9. Pay Debts.

My parents did for me ;)

10. Write in Journal/blog

Oh I am so in desperate need of an inspiration. Time to put the laziness aside and get my FINGERS TYPING!!!

Holy Crap it's been 8 months!!!

Hahaha... Gosh I havent updated this since like January! What a terrible blogger-wannabe I am. A lot has happened since the last post. I guess that's the reason. You deal with so much in life, you're overwhelemed with too much happenings and inspiration that you suffer from the complete opposite of writers-block. Which apparently has the same symptoms of being honestly lazy at writing.

My personal life is still the same. My online life has changed a lot. My written life is on an eight-month delay. Eid just passed and I'm back at work from 10 days AFW. And I don't know, something inspired me to start blogging again. Probably the dream I had last night. It made me google for "dream predictions" which didnt return with anything interesting. But I did find some bloggers' dream journals that inspired me to make one too.

Of course no one can really remember the details of their dreams. all I remember from last night was that I was in a building with my colleagues and suddenly there was a flood. The whole place just sort of surrounded by waves of water, something like a tsunami and i was looking at it through a huge ass window. And the thing i remembered saying in the dream was "wow, if we had surfing boards we could surf here." kay in the dream it was something cool and calming but when i woke up I was obviously like "wtf?!" Then as i surfed (as in online) and read yahoo news, i saw this picture of some dudes surfing and there was a glimpse of a shark and i was like, "hey! deja vu!"

Ah!!! shark!!! (adopted from yahoo news 8th Sept 2011)

Well that being written and recorded... I'm off to work (or pretending to) now. I'll probably keep updating this piece of blog-wannabe with more weird lame dreams and life experience.

If You Can't Beat Them... Join Them!

It's been 3 months since i became an educator and I'm loving every minute of it. Everytime I step into class and start my lecture I can feel the excitement of the education world. Yes I have totally become a nerd. But I have fun, teaching my students all the knowledge I have, flash backs through my working experiences and seeing them interested in all the tiny details just made me satisfied with where I am career wise.

Though there are a few classes I prefer not to teach, with the students as rude as orcs, it still didnt change the fact that I am destined to be a lecturer. Yeah, once I was offended by the rude remarks as I got upset and left the class in hope to fail them all but I took a few minutes to just breathe and understand why they do it. I was a student once and i had this attitude that probably annoyed my lecturers back then. So what if they throw in a "stfu", a bunch of slutty giggles and snores off your lessons? Seriousness is plain boring. And if you cant control their behaviour by being remarkably pissed at them. JOIN THEM.

So everytime I enter class I see things through a new perspective. They are no longer monkeys that we're feeding in a zoo. (where sometimes i feel like bringing in a bunch of bananas to shut them up) But they are immature little beings who still can't tell the differences between "dos"and "donts" It's my job to set a good example and teach them what they need and how they take it, it's up to themselves. I can only do so much as a lecturer. I can't teach them how to become a human being. But I can teach them how to become engineers. And I enjoy sharing the jokes and laughters of the kids. Why be serious when you can be positive and have fun :)

Quest For The One...

While I was flipping through January's CLEO this morning, an article caught my attention. It was something about how guys are in search for "the one" woman that he claims his soulmate. Yeah, we so have been assuming the typical girl that guys want, the goodie-two-shoes, low maintenance, pretty face wh0 says basically nothing but does everything. The kind of girl who guys can feel good to be around with and have like 200 things in common. Then we roll our eyes and sigh when we fall to number 218 on the "the one" list of choices.

Is it fair that they (men*) get to choose the type of women they want to end up with and women have no choice but to 'settle' for any man that comes along? Is it because the population of women is larger than men that gives them the advantage of being "picky" and have the upper hand of being in control when it comes to soul-mate choices? Or is it their ego that gets them to this point where women just have to wait in line to be chosen?

It actually goes both ways. Women don't have to 'settle' for anyone who comes along if they don't desire to. Yes, it's true that choices are limited. The main reason why women don't get to pick is because there's not enough men of quality in line. All the good men are either taken, gay or dead. So what's left to be 'the one' for women? Some choose to just be found. Let the men do the seeking. Some choose to be single and focus on careers. While others, in desperation joins in the Fellowship of the Man-hunters.

Most women tend to seek for that 'father' quality in a man. While men are looking for beauty, a great cook, a great body etc, all women really wanted is for someone who's man enough to be a good father for their children. A man responsible enough to take up that job unconditionally. And the quest for "the one" will come to an end :)

WELCOME 2011, SAYONARA 2010!~

Remember the old school days when your teachers assigned you to write a complete essay about "New Year Resolutions" almost every year? Well those were the times we dreadfully forced ourselves to squeeze our brains in hopes for ideas. 15 years later, here we are, volunteering to write this essay. Now it's my turn...

2011 New Year Resolutions

27 Years breathing on Planet Earth. Almost 3 decades. Body of a women, Mind of a girl... Let's see how I intend to grow up this year. Welcome 2011 :)

1. Focus On My Career

Woot! I have a career believe it or not! Something I'm dedicated to. I love this life as a lecturer and I'm gonna do my best to rock it. I intend to be an educator with patience and understandings and maintain my beliefs and principles.

2. Drop the Emoness

Drama is fun. But too much fun is unhealthy. This new year I will try to evolve into a mature 27 year old, with less drama and emo acts. Everything happens for a reason. Time to learn to handle it well :p

3. Be Faithful to the boyfriend

Stop flirting around and playing the field. i'm NOT 16 anymore. Stay faithful. Just remember the times when "harmless flirt" got me in trouble. MASSIVE trouble.

4. Learn to cook

Well... Been my resolution year after year. Time to actually spend some time in the kitchen and dunk in those ingredients.

5. LOSE WEIGHT and live it healthy

Actually this should be number 1. I got Jeans i need to fit in so yeah. LOSE THAT ARSE! Should start worrying bout weight since I moved from size S to M.... Time to lose the carb and eat more fruits and vege. Or continue an old resolution (to become a vegetarian!)

6. Be nice to parents

About time to be nice now, since I'm living under the same roof :p Help doing chores... Cooking... and dont lose temper too easy! and oh yes no more sulking. You only get ONE pair of parents in a lifetime.

7. Be a WWF Volunteer.

I wanna go in forests and play with em tigers! Rawr!

8. QUIT online Games :- TOP!~

I really, really should... TOP has been the source of all my drama and emoness. There should be the time where I am supposed to roll up the curtains and give this up. For good.

9. Pay Debts.

10. Write in Journal/blog

Need to keep note of the going ons in life :P Will try hard to blog more about life and will start making a Diary called "Dear Lyra" and given to my future baby girl so she can know how her mama lived at 27 years old :P

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!