My POV : Valentine's Day Edition

So I read all over my Facebook Timeline that people are religiously against Valentine's Day. They made statuses, posters, pictures, jokes and so on about how people who celebrate the day are going to burn in hell. There were even a group of protesters walking around KL with banners saying "SAY NO TO VALENTINE's". Something like that.

I think I might laugh a little.

I am in no place to be giving any religious reviews (I know that, duh!) so if you are reading this, open your mind that what I'm about to blog here has nothing to do with any religious stuff. Just my everyday thoughts.

What is the big deal? It's a date where people celebrate Love between them and their partner, be it between fiances, married couple or just boyfriend-girlfriend. I don't think people go to churches and worship St Valentine for co-existing the date with Cupid. Why make a big fuss over it? Celebrate if you want, don't if you don't. It's just like Christmas. Say Ho Ho Ho if you feel like it or ignore it if you feel like it will shake and stir your faith in your religion. And don't waste your time judging people who are cool enough to celebrate these celebrations. It's fun for them and it's not their fault you choose to be boring.

Same goes to April Fool. So many people are starting to attack this day. Yeah, sure going back billions of years ago some religious dude did some religious stuff hence it became this day where people play pranks and have some laugh about it. And if you choose not to celebrate it, then don't. FULL STOP. Why all the preaches and speeches and reminder that we are all going to burn in hell. We are going to anyway regardless if we celebrate them or not. That is for God to decide.

I truly respect Islamic authorities in this country for doing their job and arresting couples who are having "sleepovers" on Valentine's day. Hey serves them right for being human and not rich enough to stay in expensive hotels, right? What I don't respect, is how they publicize the issue and humiliate them as if their crime is worse than murder. What ever happened to respect of privacy? While non-Muslims are laughing their asses off, building a thicker wall between us and them, here we are, humiliating our own people. Smart move.

Why Valentine's Day? If people want to have sex, they have sex. It doesn't matter what day it falls on to. There is no need to make such a big deal over one date. It happens all year long. Using 14th February as an excuse to look all-mighty is just lame.

It's okay to campaign Muslims not to celebrate all those days. Your call, you run the country. But in time, we are going to run out of fun things to do and non-muslims are having the time of their lives, showing off what they can do. Why not start making new events or days according to religious beliefs that is fun? Or is your definition of fun is always "sin"?

What a DREAM...!

Have you ever had a dream that was so wonderful you don't wanna wake up like... ever? Well duh...! Of course you have. Everyone has..! It was so vivid and amazing and the fantastical moment punched me right in the middle of my big aortic pump in an outstanding maddening emotional way. There. Enough expression? I don't know, it was probably the effect of reading too many CLEO articles, specifically on dating attitude. You know how to win guy's attention thing bla bla bla... And at the end of the day I realized that this is 2012 and i'm still living in the beliefs of a woman who lives in 1860. Don't get me elaborating on that, this is not supposed to be a diary.

 Anywaaaays... That being said, in the dream I had balls. Metaphorically, of course. I was so couragous that I somehow (probably with the power of Greyskull) walked up to Mr Right and literally slapped him in the face for a wake up call and told him to open his chinky eyes and realize that I have been madly in love with him for a year and a half and if it's not now it's never. Being wonderful a dream as it was, he unlocked the complicated password protected metal sealed door of himself and responded, positively. And the gutfull event ended up with a success, of course. It was a dream after all. Where I got the guts, I'll never know. 

Then predictably, despite the movie-like oohs and aahs of the absent-minded, it all dissolved into a blur of a yellowish bedside lamp and some morning Hitz.fm crew, literally yelling into my head that it's time to return to the real world and get my ass of the bed and get to work. And yes, as you have guessed, the CLEO article opened right next to me.

So maybe I am living in 1860s, where men are supposed to come after woman. But believing that maybe is the reason why I am still single or else in a very complicated relationship with my laptop.

Thinking about what Ted said in How I Met Your Mother the other day... "This is who I am. I won't change my beliefs for whatever reasons. If she can't accept that I am old-fashioned, then I guess she's not the one for me.

But someday, I will meet that person who believes in the same thing I do, and that will be the day I meet your mother..." -Ted Mosby, HIMYM- In my case, Lyra's father :)

My life in a bowl :)

Ahh... 28 years has passed since i was born into this world of madness and whatnots. With arms wide open and a heart full of hopes and unfulfilled dreams I accept the fact that I have not grown older, just wiser :) well at least I'd think so :P

Love. Live. Embrace.

28 years ago, a week before Valentine's 1984, I was introduced into this world as a naked baby girl. Innocent. Clueless. And helpless. I grew up in Sarawak for 2 years which I have no memory about, except for a babysitter i grew very close to but never met again. And my sister, also known as cruela de ville pushed me under a coffee table and almost caused me to bleed to death. (i even still have that scar...!)

1986 my family moved to Liverpool, England, where I learned to walk, talk, and read. My first language was English, and my first school was Christchurch primary school. i don't remember much about the three years growing up in the UK except for a teacher who likes to kidnap me while I was running around naked in the Gym, and put me on display for his "grown up" students in his class. (yes, apparently being 3 years old, you only get to wear your underwear during gym). My best friend was some girl named Collet, and i have learned to read at the age of three.

in 1989 i returned to Melaka, Malaysia and did not know a word of Malay. I even spoke English to my Grandmother and she was like "whaaaa...???" I thought we were going to live in the jungle (see, in Liverpool where I lived there weren't so many tress..." and was terrified at the thought. I ate rambutan for the first time and i thought I was in heaven. The fruits tasted so much better than apples and strawberries...! At the age of 5 I went to primary school and the teacher was impressed i could already read. And i was scared of buffaloes, I thought they were Minotaurs... And i also thought I was English... so nevermind...

1990 my brother was born and i got so irritated i made a decision to hate him all my life.

A year later I moved to Kedah, North of Malaysia and i had no clue what people were talking about. I felt funny that schooldays were on Sunday to Thursday (I actually thought i was on another planet) and i entered the time of my life where as a kid, i knew i annoyed everyone around me but i couldn't help it.

In 1994 I moved to England, again. This time I lived in Loughborough, Leicester. Ahh... the memories. I can actually remember all 367 days being in the UK. I had my first boyfriend at the age of 11. I went on adventures from houses to houses. And I had a blast every single day of school. Loughborough was when I reliazed I was alive, though that's when my hair decided to become greasy and curly but i was still innocent, pretty with huge teeth. I started to like my sister a bit. We became closer friends and told each other secrets instead of calling each other names.

One year of bliss, back to thinking I was English again, I returned to Kedah. This time I still remembered Malay, basically coz in UK the second time i was closer with Malay friends instead of English. And I was Miss Popular in school, having just returned from the UK and having admirers from every class and being the Teacher's daughter. Life was fun at 11-12. I remember having an enemy who that time also "just returned from" the US but she turned out to be my best friend. I hated the US. I was like, UK is waaaaaay better than US. We have more class... ;) Being Miss popular somehow did not get me the boys I liked. I had a crush on this older dude in high school but i guess he was the one that got away. I had my first love at the age of 15 with some other boy with a lot of hair. Trust me, he was almost qualified to be a yeti. But yeah, it was love :) we broke up 3 times before i moved away. My sister cruela moved away to college and we wrote letters...! and we became best friends just for that :)

In 2000 I moved to Tampin, South of Malaysia. I was Miss popular for like 2 months before the isolataion era. This was the time where friendship had a whole different meaning. I learned about backstabbings and judgementalists. I lived a broken heart for a year before I had good, awesome friends of different races. My high school life wasn't so bad. I learned a lot. I was anti-guys. I became a true-feminist. I hated the thought of having a boyfriend. I was heartless. But high school was sure as hell, funny. Oh and i decided not to hate my brother anymore. We became friends but he still annoys me. (i found out he even cut off my head in photos, like a voodoo thing)

2002 opened the door of college and pre-adult life. I moved to Port Dickson, only a mere hour away from home. Surprisingly, during my acne-face era, i had an admire who became my boyfriend of 5 years. I became closer and closer with my sister, always having her back and she, mine. During this time I met the one that got away again but realize he was and never would be the one for me. And damn I had an awesome body, but all I could think of was study! I became the best public speaker for 2 years. Only cause my English is awesome.

2005 i lived in Johor, pursuing my degree. This can also be known as the most boring time of my life. But I met my first true love who lived in the US. He taught me how great love is, making sacrifices to visit me. He was the best anyone could ever have. However, we broke up 3 years later after he found out I cheated on him with a guy from Saudi Arabia. Don't ask why my love life was so international. I was a crazy ass MMORPG player who did not settle for locals. My sister got married through drama and little Mya was born. :)

2009 I started working. I was still in a very complicated relationship, having broken up and back together for 200 times. But I was contented with it. Being an engineer was hell, and juggling careers and trying to survive a crazy relationship threw me at the verge of breaking down. I was lost not only in the city roads but also in life. I even considered suicide but i couldn't pick what method to use and realized all was too messy. What i'm not gonna eat poison i have vomit-phobia. I also didn't wanna cut my wrists or hang myself...That moment I turned to God and life took a crazy turn. He listened to me and made me a lecturer. I broke up with Saudi dude to make a change in life. He stood by me for a while until we realized we were hopeless. (And the fact that i fell for someone else, of course)

2012...
At 28 years old, I gave up on love and realized life is too short to be pathetically lost. (...and to not blame the world for everything...). I decided to be happy, be thankful for all God has to offer and be sincere in all I do. I may not be born a princess but my father made sure I lived as one. I love my cat, my family and friends and I am yet waiting for what life has to give. I am single. I am 28. I am alive :)

Where does my life go from here...?

Confessions of a single Drama Queen

Love. Live. Embrace.

You had your chance, you've been there, you've done that. You want it again but can't have it. Get over it. What's the point of being pathetically emotional for something you never had? and you didn't even lose it if you never had it in the first place, eh? Do it like the fox and the grapes. It's probably sour. Probably wrinkled and used up. Yes, probability is an endless mind torcher but this is the 21st century. You need to let things go.

But I am old-fashioned. I believe in fairy tales. I believe that Prince Charming would do what it takes to find the girl with the glass slippers. I believe that Aladdin would fake royalty just to be with Princess Jasmine. What I don't believe, is settiling for second when your heart knows who it wants. So as long as I am in "love" with this person, I can't be with someone else.... Thus, my Lyra can never be born into the world... Why? because apparently one-sided love does not cross path. But you recited your prayers. You cried your tears. Enough is said and done. You're on your own.

Drama Queen indeed. I'm no Angelina Jolie but I'm not ugly, either. I don't have JLO's body but I do have half of Kim Kardashian's ass. Yes. I tend to set eyes on the wrong dude, but hey, who doesn't? I want what's best for Lyra's daddy I'm not going to just go with the first Russel Brand I see in the streets. Quality. I may not be born a princess but I'm not going to settle for a pauper, either. It's time to glue up that broken heart and get on with life.

The Battleship of Dreams...

They say it's the game of life played by your sub-conscious mind. Some "experts" say dreams occur depending on your thoughts or experiences during the day. But did you notice that sometimes there are dreams that has nothing to do with the going-ons in your real life. And at certain times the dreams are predictions on what will happen, thus you call it "deja vu". I am no expert in what your mind does to your thoughts, nor am i a seer that can make a theory that dreams are clues to the future. But lately, weirdly I keep having dreams of the same people over and over again. And though people establish dreams being the indicator of a good sleep, my dreams are tiring. They drain out my energy and the thought of how they affect my rate of heartbeat just drives me crazy.

Once I closed my eyes and saw a glimpse of my hand decorated in red henna, and a golden ring wrapped around my ring finger. It was so intense i could actually feel the gloominess of that (supposed to be happy) day. I was tied to someone I didn't love and i felt the need to escape. The same day I found out the man i did love was married to someone else. I went on a cruise to run away from the ceremony. Having escaped from that sad destiny i suddenly found out I was on a battleship and I was ready for   a war. I knew I was going to die that day. But it was something I had to do, and I didn't care being alive or dead. Heavy heart I fought the battle, ready to sleep my final sleep.

Epic, no? In a scene where I was left ignored by my friends, broken hearted watching my best friend with him, I walked in a mall, the one I always had the same dream about even in my childhood days. I met an old Indian man, his name was Mr Rayhan or something. He said I was never to worry walking alone and getting lost, it's life. He gave me his number, said it's always good to know company if i ever needed one. . I realized i had switched off my phone, sulked by what I had seen. And when I turned it on, expected a few missed calls, my friends didn't call to ask me where I was. I just kept walking around, behind ancient buildings and locked gates. Lost. Confused. A complete blur, I woke up actually feeling the pain of a broken heart. I was angry for a moment. Until I realize having my eyes opened, it ended the confusing adventure.

It's not a thing you can control. Some just make you wake up with a smile, sowing hopes and planting possibilities. Some just make you realize some painful facts of life giving you hints of what to expect in reality.

There are dreams I can't even remember, but life experiences showers me with feelings of "oh this happened before". I'm sure it happens to everyone once in a while. And here we are still confused of what dreams actually are. A hint of reality? or just a game your mind plays with your heart?

Can You Believe it's 2012???

Believe it. 2012 is here. According to the Mayans, this is the final year. Of earth.

Sometimes I wish Nostradamus is still alive to actually explain what they meant by "the end".

I suck. As a blogger. and everything else. My resolution was supposedly to "blog" more. Well we live only once and this is one way of staying alive forever. I even have a diary that was last updated in September last year.

January has been evil. I had the worst cramps, toothache, backache and knee-ache. I feel my body is decomposing and nothing I can do about it. I drank so much milk that it has actually started to taste like paper. That's just physical pain. Mentally I was pressured by too many friends' engagements and weddings that it actually reminded myself that I AM FRICKEN 28 next WEEK AND WHY THE HELL AM I STILL SINGLE???

I am not one to pathetically shower myself with self defeating questions such as "am i too ugly? am i too loud? am i not pretty enough? am i not good enough? am i too dark? too fat? too moody???" or to grow a tree of ego and bitterness with "oh i'm too picky... he's not good enough for me... he's too short, too poor, too gay... it's not that noone wants me, it's just I'm too good for anyone..." I am just really tired of the same pressure each and every year and this year I decided to not frickin care. My time will come and even if it doesn't, who cares? i got my dream job. move on.

Anyway, besides looking forward to be a 28 yr old single woman, life has been pretty awesome. I live like 50000 miles away from my family. I'm not complaining coz I stick to the fact that after 18, you're better off apart unless fighting with your mom over the TV remote turns you on. But do I miss them? of course I do. But this is the moment to find myself, live independently and give myself the chance to be a housemaker. Which i think I'm failling coz I SUCK AT COOKING! (but think positive, I clean the house like a pro :)

Friends have been awesome so far. Honestly, this is the longest I have been friends to the same people. Looking at my past life, most friends would be biting my head off and stabbing my back by now. But I have awesome people I hang around with. Love could be somewhere among them but shoved to the side due to my inferiority complex. Silent heartbreaks, loud laughter... Ahh... so much to live for.

Lyra is still a long way to go. And for how things are I guess it's still a long way to go times 4. She'll arrive on angels' wings in due time. I just wish the due time will be sooner. It breaks my heart to fall in love with other peoples' babies. But I'm not ready to settle down with anyone. I just want to be with he who I have heart for...

So yeah, 2012 has been a crazy journey of patience and bitter experience. I just hope February would be less of a heartache :)

And holy crap this is supposed to be a blog not a diary!!! Eeeek...! Excuse my drama I'll be back for normal stuff next entree. BRB.

The story so far...

I was reading my "new resolutions" post and how ironic! I barely made any of them come true...! So these are the updates on the resolutions i had made earlier this year...

1. Focus On My Career

Well this one didn't didn't go off so bad. I'm still loving my job. All is well. I'm improving and being a lecturer is nothing but awesome. Cool friends, cool guys to stare at. And good opportunity to buy cute dresses and make up xD

2. Drop the Emoness

I actually laughed A LOT this year. I'm happy :)

3. Be Faithful to the boyfriend

Lol. What boyfriend?

4. Learn to cook

Erm.. I will actually learn to cook when I'm engaged to someone. I have no reason to cook now.

5. LOSE WEIGHT and live it healthy

Still fat.

6. Be nice to parents

I am... I think...

7. Be a WWF Volunteer.

Hey I'm donating like RM50 a month for WWF. That's a start, right?

8. QUIT online Games :- TOP!~

I DID! I freakingly DID and I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF for this!!!

9. Pay Debts.

My parents did for me ;)

10. Write in Journal/blog

Oh I am so in desperate need of an inspiration. Time to put the laziness aside and get my FINGERS TYPING!!!

Holy Crap it's been 8 months!!!

Hahaha... Gosh I havent updated this since like January! What a terrible blogger-wannabe I am. A lot has happened since the last post. I guess that's the reason. You deal with so much in life, you're overwhelemed with too much happenings and inspiration that you suffer from the complete opposite of writers-block. Which apparently has the same symptoms of being honestly lazy at writing.

My personal life is still the same. My online life has changed a lot. My written life is on an eight-month delay. Eid just passed and I'm back at work from 10 days AFW. And I don't know, something inspired me to start blogging again. Probably the dream I had last night. It made me google for "dream predictions" which didnt return with anything interesting. But I did find some bloggers' dream journals that inspired me to make one too.

Of course no one can really remember the details of their dreams. all I remember from last night was that I was in a building with my colleagues and suddenly there was a flood. The whole place just sort of surrounded by waves of water, something like a tsunami and i was looking at it through a huge ass window. And the thing i remembered saying in the dream was "wow, if we had surfing boards we could surf here." kay in the dream it was something cool and calming but when i woke up I was obviously like "wtf?!" Then as i surfed (as in online) and read yahoo news, i saw this picture of some dudes surfing and there was a glimpse of a shark and i was like, "hey! deja vu!"

Ah!!! shark!!! (adopted from yahoo news 8th Sept 2011)

Well that being written and recorded... I'm off to work (or pretending to) now. I'll probably keep updating this piece of blog-wannabe with more weird lame dreams and life experience.

If You Can't Beat Them... Join Them!

It's been 3 months since i became an educator and I'm loving every minute of it. Everytime I step into class and start my lecture I can feel the excitement of the education world. Yes I have totally become a nerd. But I have fun, teaching my students all the knowledge I have, flash backs through my working experiences and seeing them interested in all the tiny details just made me satisfied with where I am career wise.

Though there are a few classes I prefer not to teach, with the students as rude as orcs, it still didnt change the fact that I am destined to be a lecturer. Yeah, once I was offended by the rude remarks as I got upset and left the class in hope to fail them all but I took a few minutes to just breathe and understand why they do it. I was a student once and i had this attitude that probably annoyed my lecturers back then. So what if they throw in a "stfu", a bunch of slutty giggles and snores off your lessons? Seriousness is plain boring. And if you cant control their behaviour by being remarkably pissed at them. JOIN THEM.

So everytime I enter class I see things through a new perspective. They are no longer monkeys that we're feeding in a zoo. (where sometimes i feel like bringing in a bunch of bananas to shut them up) But they are immature little beings who still can't tell the differences between "dos"and "donts" It's my job to set a good example and teach them what they need and how they take it, it's up to themselves. I can only do so much as a lecturer. I can't teach them how to become a human being. But I can teach them how to become engineers. And I enjoy sharing the jokes and laughters of the kids. Why be serious when you can be positive and have fun :)

Quest For The One...

While I was flipping through January's CLEO this morning, an article caught my attention. It was something about how guys are in search for "the one" woman that he claims his soulmate. Yeah, we so have been assuming the typical girl that guys want, the goodie-two-shoes, low maintenance, pretty face wh0 says basically nothing but does everything. The kind of girl who guys can feel good to be around with and have like 200 things in common. Then we roll our eyes and sigh when we fall to number 218 on the "the one" list of choices.

Is it fair that they (men*) get to choose the type of women they want to end up with and women have no choice but to 'settle' for any man that comes along? Is it because the population of women is larger than men that gives them the advantage of being "picky" and have the upper hand of being in control when it comes to soul-mate choices? Or is it their ego that gets them to this point where women just have to wait in line to be chosen?

It actually goes both ways. Women don't have to 'settle' for anyone who comes along if they don't desire to. Yes, it's true that choices are limited. The main reason why women don't get to pick is because there's not enough men of quality in line. All the good men are either taken, gay or dead. So what's left to be 'the one' for women? Some choose to just be found. Let the men do the seeking. Some choose to be single and focus on careers. While others, in desperation joins in the Fellowship of the Man-hunters.

Most women tend to seek for that 'father' quality in a man. While men are looking for beauty, a great cook, a great body etc, all women really wanted is for someone who's man enough to be a good father for their children. A man responsible enough to take up that job unconditionally. And the quest for "the one" will come to an end :)

WELCOME 2011, SAYONARA 2010!~

Remember the old school days when your teachers assigned you to write a complete essay about "New Year Resolutions" almost every year? Well those were the times we dreadfully forced ourselves to squeeze our brains in hopes for ideas. 15 years later, here we are, volunteering to write this essay. Now it's my turn...

2011 New Year Resolutions

27 Years breathing on Planet Earth. Almost 3 decades. Body of a women, Mind of a girl... Let's see how I intend to grow up this year. Welcome 2011 :)

1. Focus On My Career

Woot! I have a career believe it or not! Something I'm dedicated to. I love this life as a lecturer and I'm gonna do my best to rock it. I intend to be an educator with patience and understandings and maintain my beliefs and principles.

2. Drop the Emoness

Drama is fun. But too much fun is unhealthy. This new year I will try to evolve into a mature 27 year old, with less drama and emo acts. Everything happens for a reason. Time to learn to handle it well :p

3. Be Faithful to the boyfriend

Stop flirting around and playing the field. i'm NOT 16 anymore. Stay faithful. Just remember the times when "harmless flirt" got me in trouble. MASSIVE trouble.

4. Learn to cook

Well... Been my resolution year after year. Time to actually spend some time in the kitchen and dunk in those ingredients.

5. LOSE WEIGHT and live it healthy

Actually this should be number 1. I got Jeans i need to fit in so yeah. LOSE THAT ARSE! Should start worrying bout weight since I moved from size S to M.... Time to lose the carb and eat more fruits and vege. Or continue an old resolution (to become a vegetarian!)

6. Be nice to parents

About time to be nice now, since I'm living under the same roof :p Help doing chores... Cooking... and dont lose temper too easy! and oh yes no more sulking. You only get ONE pair of parents in a lifetime.

7. Be a WWF Volunteer.

I wanna go in forests and play with em tigers! Rawr!

8. QUIT online Games :- TOP!~

I really, really should... TOP has been the source of all my drama and emoness. There should be the time where I am supposed to roll up the curtains and give this up. For good.

9. Pay Debts.

10. Write in Journal/blog

Need to keep note of the going ons in life :P Will try hard to blog more about life and will start making a Diary called "Dear Lyra" and given to my future baby girl so she can know how her mama lived at 27 years old :P

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

What a Diploma Means...

3 weeks into a lecturer's life I found out about the corruption that's happening in the Education system. No, not by money... But by Compassion. While other students are struggling to get a diploma or degree in their universities, here it comes easy. I'm not criticizing the humanity and kind-hearts of the lecturers here but this condition just made me stare at my diploma i had earned in a similar institution, and how this devalues it.

All my 6 years of higher education I had worked my ass of to get to where I am. During my diploma, it took me a lot of sucking up to lecturer's and losing friends just to maintain my 3.9 cpa. Nothing came easy. I did everything i had to do, from completing all given assignments to studying hard for exams and focusing in each and every class. I did it the right way. No copying, no hitch-hiking. And i got what i wished for... A scholarship to continue my studies to a B.eng level.

And my hardwork didn't stop there. While most of my friends took the easy way to pass their courses (i.e cheating, copying assignments, sleeping with people to get it done etc) i took the federal road. Meeting my lecturers every 5 minutes and making sure ALL my assignments fulfil the requirements and studied HARD for exams. All hardwork and backstabs later, i managed to get myself an upper second-class degree, and a Vice Chancellor award though I did aim for First Class. But I was satisfied that I did my best.

But today I see life from a lecturer's point of view. Students take advantage of lecturers. They don't take education too seriously. And my colleagues are too kind to fail them, doing their best to make sure the students pass all papers. Diploma comes easy for them, they don't have to earn it. All they had to do was pay the RM200 semester fees and a diploma is practically handed to them. No need for hardwork, no need to pay attention in class and Final Exams are like theme park rides for them.

Of course I'm not saying that all educators are givers. Some are highly strict and don't seem to bow to students' pleas. But the education level in where I'm working is too low. I admit High School Education was more difficult. It makes me think, is my diploma even worth anything? If everyone is getting it easy, what would my hardly-earned diploma mean?

Students get loans, buy super-expensive cellphones and hardly buys themselves any stationaries or books. Or they spent renting hotels and humping around... Some even use the loans for drinks and cigarettes and drugs... They hand in assignments using DRAFT papers and lecturers feel sorry for them for coming from a poor or problematic family. In classes they fall asleep, in exams they copy each other... And at the end of 3 years, a diploma is handed for all these "efforts"

I stick to my principle! A DIPLOMA SHOULD BE EARNED NOT DONATED!!! So Dear students of mine, hand in my assignments quizzes in a PROFESSIONAL condition. Clean, completed and organized. Answer my quizzes and tests truthfully and don't even TRY to copy in exams. I didn't sleep through my education, so why should I let you :)

What a diploma means?

Hard work!

What a degree means?

Determination!

Most Embarassing Moments xD

What an awful day today is! Only 3pm and approximately 2 hours till home time where i can finally take this piece of rag of my legs! New dress, looks all vogue and classy... turning heads around but as i sat down... krrrrrr.... It ripped where it shouldnt the most, revealing half my thighs! Oh My God!

It's a warning of how fat I am, i guess. Time for a super diet routine. Lose the fatass that's causing all my dresses to surrender but in this 2 hours of worktime left, i need a plan.. one that can save some humiliation. i need some instant remedy that can camouflage the rip. I need to save some dignity!

Feeling all paranoid and awkward just reminds me about all the humiliating moments of my life. And I'm pretty sure everyone had at least been through ONE certain humiliation. An experience they wish they never had. That moment in life where you just want to dig up a 6 feet hole, dive in and never resurface. But life goes on. We just have to learn how to live through it.

It's all about how you deal with it xD

How the common "flirt" is misunderstood

As a sequel to my "Jealousy" blog, today I would like to share some thoughts on the common "flirt" that are kinda famous among people whether they are single or married. Anne speaks :

Everyday in our life ever since we hit puberty, flirting has become a hobby in our daily events. We flicker our eyes, smile shyly, and sometimes uses pick-up lines we googled in the internet just for the fun of it. Sometimes these harmless acts lead to something serious and people hooked up. Sometimes people took it too seriously and broke their own heart when they found out it meant nothing. So how do we tell if the flirt is harmless, or if it really means something?

I was seated next to a cool guy, kinda good looking on the plane to Sabah. At first he was kinda stuck-up-ish and i didn't want further awkwardness by starting a weird conversation. But after an hour of being cramped in a seat he started talking to me and asking questions about my life. One topic led to another and suddenly he was asking me out for a drink. Then he started saying i reminded him of a hot actress on TV. And this was AFTER he told me he was married with 3 children. And that's where my friendliness hit the brakes. Whoa... mister...! do i look like a home-breaker?~

But then I sat down thinking, it must have been some meaningless flirt to see if he still has it. He probably didn't really asked me out but trying to see if i would say yes. People do it all the time. Even i do it. I don't mean anything, since I am in a relationship already (it's complicated, open but still a relationship) but it's fun to see people's reactions when you flirt. Some make jokes about it and we just end up laughing and having a good time. But some took it too far and went to the next level (meaning sex invitations).

If I was to stop all the flirting, life would be so boring. Yeah it would make my boyfriend less jealous and happy to have ALL my attention finally. It would stop people from labeling me. And it would make me a stuck up biyach. I had gone through a 5 year stagnant relationship and the boringness made me wanna scream so bad i almost went nuts. This is the person I am. And as long as I don't go naked for you or tell you i love you with glimmering eyes and promising future, all my flirts are HARMLESS and means nothing. *Online wise, as long as it's in a general conversation area where many people can read it's NOT serious as i do not take local chats seriously* And as long as i don't have a ring around my finger I think i would like to have some freedom to have a little fun.

As long as you stay away from getting too deep, i think a little flirt is ok. Once you see things are getting a weee bit too far it's time to hit the brakes and change to reverse gear. Unless you really want something to happen between you and him/her it's best to keep your flirts clean and PG13. And geez if you're married, try NOT flirting, seriously. I just hate it when married people even think they can woo me. It's immoral, stupid and ridiculous. i do not flirt with married dudes. -be told-

Malaysia Oh Malaysia! (Part 4 - Warisan Merdeka)

So the PM decided to build the tallest tower in the world (again), naming it Warisan Merdeka, 100 storey and costing RM5 billion (USD1,56 billion)... Anne speaks :-

I was browsing through the news again (something i dont usually do, but i was bored as hell at work) and found out about this megatower the government had decided to build. Being a true supporter of the Malaysian government, i somehow find this idea irrelevant to what the country needs and sort of in bad-timing.

Taken from mmail.com.my,

BERNAMA

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010 20:39:00

KUALA LUMPUR: Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak today defended the proposal to build a 100-storey tower, costing RM5 billion, saying it was not a waste but an opportunity to generate the economy and create an icon for a developed and modern Malaysia.

The prime minister said the construction of the tower would benefit many sectors. "There are many contract works which we can give out to spur economic activities. The area can also become a centre of attraction and a business centre.

"This is not a waste but something that will bring benefit," he said, adding that the project was proposed by Permodalan Nasional Bhd.

I had replied to this news :-

I'm usually a FULL supporter for the past BN mega projects namely KLCC, KLIA, Sepang Circuit etc... These are the elements of Malaysia that puts us among big Countries in the world. However, I think this country is NOT YET READY for Warisan Merdeka project as there are still many citizens who are homeless and jobless and not forgetting the environmental condition in Malaysia which is not in excellent condition (ie forest and wildlife preservation). I say the RM5b should be used to solve the existing problems, fix the structures we have, and developing environmental organisations rather than risking it on a project that has no guarantee will be successful. Im not saying don't do it at all, I'm just saying DON'T DO IT YET. Not until we are stable economically and environmentally at least. (sorry for imperfect english)

Submitted by Anne on Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Malaysia Oh Malaysia! (Part 3 - Entertainment hub)

First of all I dont get it. Most of the people who are bravely speaking out in blogs condemning each and every government decisions are government employees. If you don't like what the government is doing, quit and give the position to people who actually knows how to appreciate the hand that feeds them. Or option #2, move to Saudi Arabia, see how you like it there. Im sure the government is 100% islamic based and everything is "Haram" just how you like it.

Reading an article from Malaysiakini.com, i found out that the PM is creating an area for locating Nightclubs in Malaysia. What remains blurry is if this means moving all the existing nightclubs or entertainment centres there or adding more nightclubs in the country, just contained in a specific area without moving the existing ones. The latter would definitely raise anger and rage among Islamic leaders.

Whatever the reason is, I just strongly believe that the government has it's own reasons and excuse to conduct such movement. The positive effect is people will be able to control visitors of the clubs, thus making it easier to spot an under aged citizen or a Muslim strolling around in the inappropriate radius. And it will also make a good chill-out place for tourists, hence contributing to economical growth in Malaysia, in which we desperately need. Whether or not it downgrades the mental and social behaviour of our people is strictly an individual inner-conflict. It is up to parents, teachers and educators and not forgetting their individual selves to differenciate what's wrong and what's right. And people should know that no matter what, the clubs already exist anyway. What the government is trying to do is keep it contained and controlled. So just stop being so negative all the time.

Reading all the comments mocking the PM and condemning the government, i realized how SHALLOW the minds of the people are. Why not give it a chance? This is a country with THREE (3) MAJOR races and about a hundred minors including tourists and migrants. Why not be Global and positive and just support what the government is trying to do?

-anne-

Haloween Special : My Ghost Encounter

This is a true story that happened about 6 years ago. I was in a dorm with my sister watching The Ring on dad's laptop. (ye back then laptops were cool and only rich people have em). Anyways it was about 12 am midnight and most of the dorm residents had gone to bed, or studying in their rooms and it was soooo quiet. Well, except for the movie we were watching.

Suddenly there was a black out. And ironically, it was during the scene when Samara (the name of the girl ghost) was climbing out of the well... And when the black out happened, all the lights went of. Street lights, corridor lights, room lights. EXCEPT FOR THE LAPTOP. In that total darkness all me and my sister saw was Samara crawling out of the well, out of the TV (in the movie) and in my imagination, OUT OF THE LAPTOP SCREEN. That was when both me and my sister screamed our lungs out and the whole floor came ambushing our door to see wth was going on. Just 2 secs after the screaming event, we both bursted out laughing knowing we got punked by a stupid movie.

Yes, that was the scariest moment in my life involving ghosts. (fake ghost yea, but still). It triggered some post events that had made me who I am now. A true Scaredy cat. One night, a few days after my beloved cat Putam died, I had a dream about it crawling onto my bed and sleeping on my belly. (It used to do that a lot) Suddenly, I felt heavy. I felt something pressed against my body really hard till i couldnt breathe. I opened my eyes to see a black figure with no face, just shadows right above me sitting and making me breathless... I couldnt scream i just felt numb and paralyzed. But I still managed to gather some strength and wrestled with it. I think I woke up and realized it was a dream but it was confusing as i had dreamed my room condition exactly the way it was when i woke up... spookey indead... I did some research online and talked to my friends and found out many people had gone through this, and remained unexplained.

Only after that i had become really afraid of the dark but occasionally treat myself to some horror movies. But to be alone in darkness with some eerie sounds every now and then? a big NO THANK YOU. I am scared of ghosts. Period.

Anne's Top 10 Scariest Movie of all time ^^

1. Coming Soon (Thai)

2. The Grudge (US Version)

3. Shutter (Thai)

4. Wishing Stairs (Korea)

5. Jangan Pandang Belakang (Don't look Back, Malaysia)

6. The Ring (US Version)

7. One Missed Call (Japanese Version)

8. 1408 (US)

9. Poltergeist III

10. Exorcist series

Can't remember but i'm sure there's more :p

Jealousy... requirement? or trash?

Is jealousy necessary in a relationship? Or is it just a spreading virus that only causes the love and trust to disappear and flushed down the toilet. Anne speaks, :-

Jealousy is a feeling of discomfort in the heart when you see something that u want or desire lingers around something that is not you. It's a need unfulfilled. It's a disease if not controlled can ruin your life and everything that you cherish.

In a relationship, what if there's no jealousy at all? What if there's too much space and freedom for both parties to stray without either one having any feeling of frustration or disappointment?Doesn't this mean that the relationship is unhealthy and practically worthless as both of you don't care if there's a possibility one of you can find another?

Personally I think it's necessary to have some slight jealousy to make a relationship work. It's a nice rush when your partner worries about you being stolen by someone else. Makes you feel appreciated and wanted and loved. And shows how much he/she doesn't like sharing you with another thus trying harder to make sure your attention belongs to only him/her. If they always use the phrase "I trust you" even when you do your best to make em jealous usually it means "I don't care you can be with whoever you want. I dont love you that much anyway..." Then it's time to move on and be with someone who does care and wants you to be just theirs.

*NOTE FOR GIRLS*

It starts to really suck when in a relationship only one person feels the pain of jealousy while the other couldn't care any less. My opinion, if he is not scared of the possibility of losing you to another it either means :-

1. He doesn't love you that much and doesn't care about losing you

2. He has a plan B. (Meaning he has another girl on the side, you moron!)

3. You're ugly

4. He's hot (or he thinks he is) that he knows you'll be crawling back to him soon anyway.

The trick is to treat him EXACTLY how he treats you. If he's not jealous why do you even bother? Move on! Start to NOT care! (and if he is the superjealous kind, be that way too. Let him know how being tied up feels like!)

Back to jealousy...

However, it's the kind of thing that can kill when it's too much. Obsession is never a healthy thing for anyone. Too much jealousy is like putting chains around your feet. When jealousy becomes thicker, trust becomes thinner, to the point where it messes up your emotions and leads to constant fights and destroys the whole relationship. Sooner or later the chains becomes barb wires that causes more pain while still imprisoning you.

Love with no trust is no love in the first place. But Love with too much trust is just careless.

Time For A Change...

You know God is on your side when you start feeling sorry for your enemy for all the good things you're getting and the nothingness she has. You finally stop hating her and ready to move on with your life. With one last sarcasm "goodbye dear ex best friend, i am finally getting somewhere in life and you'll be here, rotting in this hell hole you call a workplace...", I held my head high, turned around, smiled, satisfied and walked away. It was that very moment i realized how sorry I felt for her and how i never want to be in her position.

Years after years I havent been an angel to deserve all the good things in life. I have sinned, i have had bad intentions. Lust for guys' attention. Envy for the people more successful than me. Greed for money and expensive gifts. Gluttony for classy cuisines and beverages. Pride big enough to sink in Mount everest and hurting people i love with it. Sloth for housework and helping people. Wrath in almost every little thing that happened. And yet, here I am, my wishes coming true even though i know I'm too far away from deserving it.

So I guess He listens. No matter what type of person you are, there's always a chance in you getting your wishes come true if it comes with good intentions. It's an ease of the soul when you let go of that hatred you feel for someone and start to feel sympathy for her luck. It's a piece of mind when you forgive her for backstabbing you. It's time for a change when you can finally breathe in clean air and move on with your life towards a better future :)

Credits to an ex best friend who decided to be an enemy

I'll be the Judge of that...

Humans were created with a gift that differentiates them with animals. COMMON SENSE. The ability to tell what's wrong and what's right. The intelligence to make decisions in any circumstances and the knowledge to learn from them. The free will to conduct any actions and to raise any thought. And this leads humans to JUDGE.

Judging is a divine power. It is for the Mighty to decide or to put label on His creations. Humans were born equal. What differs us from each other is our own perspective and the effort we put into improving our lives.

I dont mean the court judge. Those judgements are based on theories and evidence (unless there's bribery of course). My high respect for the people with these authority as they carry a big weight of responsibilities. This blog is about judging people in a society. Based on personal issues and emotions. The one people aren't being paid for.

Ever since i was 16, surviving in a new society was never easy. Having a universally open mind and wild personality, i tend to be an outcast in every group of people i was involved with. It was only at that age, i was occasionally shunt from the society and had to adapt to living in my own world. My schoolmates didnt know who i was, or how i was. They had no idea how i grew up or how my behaviour was in the previous 15 years of my life. The hardship of life began here. When i was judged by this new society. When I was labeled.

Why do people judge others to the extent of making their lives miserable? I read in the papers this previous Eid of how young girls got shunt from their family and the society because they got pregnant without marriage. No companies would employ them, no friends would help them. These girls survive by becoming prostitutes and begging random people for food and shelter. And people just twitch their nose, utter an "ewww...." and look down at them, disgusted with not even the least bit of sympathy.

Noone volunteers to have flaws. No drug addict in the world prayed to be one. No prostitutes had written their present 'career' in their childhood wish list. Noone hopes to make mistakes. We all dream of perfection. Some of us got lucky. Some of us failed.

And most of us who got lucky, failed in the aspects of humanity. We judge them. We labeled them as trash. We call them hopeless. We turn our heads away and laugh at their pain. We assumed that was their choice of life and we just punish them by our mocks and sarcasm. We did what only God have the right to do. We judged.

Try spend a day ans sit in the comfortable sofa of a Starbucks restaurant and look around you. Look at how you label people. A girl in big, drapy clothes, her hair covered in a burkha walking with her boyfriend holding hands, and when no one notices, holding more than just hands. Another girl in casual clothes and jeans, hanging out with her friends, her hair tied in a ponytail laughing and having fun. They look at each other. Nodded. And looked away, realizing they were two very different people. One seen as the "perfect" girl and the other as the "slut". And sadly, in the society we live in, the girl in the burkha wins for her choice of fashion.

Up until today i am still being judged. Because I dont wear the normal clothes that hide my flaws and my sins, people make me who they think i am. Married men pursue me thinking i would settle for anything with a penis. Single men think i am an object to have and let go whenever they please. Married girls think I'm chasing after their husbands. Single girls hate and despise me for all the attention i get. And They just wouldn't stop judging until i blend in.

But Guess What?

I LOVE BEING DIFFERENT.

Credits to Rayan Basha for this inspiration.